I'm feeling like a slacker.
Funny words from a person who rarely has time to eat and sleep, but it's true.
I've had so little homework to do during clerkship, and I've taken advantage of that fact. Around me, friends are studying for the final, writing their pharmacology exam, prepping for their in-class peer review (I did mine first, so nothing to prep since January) and just generally being more proactive than I am. I'm the girl who makes everyone feel better about themselves when they THINK they've been slacking and then find out I've done even less.
The truth is, I've always been this way. I'm a procrastinator, through and through. Give me extra time for a task and I will fill it with something entirely unrelated. Last minute is my style... mix in a little perfectionist for a fairly uncomfortable combo. That's just who I am.
Lately I find myself filling my extra time with daydreaming. This is new for me. I've never been much of a dreamer. In my mind, I am imagining life after the MEP. I am arranging furniture in our new apartment, exploring our new-old city, reconnecting with friends, catching up with my Ontario friends on facebook... I think it's funny that I'm spending so much time daydreaming and fantasizing about doing normal every day things. I'm so ready to fall in love with Winnipeg again... maybe for the first time.
Today one of the midwives told me she is really excited about my future endeavours, and she said the most lovely thing: "I'm excited for you, and you are totally ready for this." Tonight I'm savouring that comment. And not doing any work.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Friday, March 11, 2011
The Final Countdown...
Two weeks until I turn off the MEP-issued pager once and for all. At this point, life before the MEP feels like another lifetime altogether. When I began, four years seemed so doable. In retrospect, it seems like an eternity. So much has changed.
Rob and I have made jokes about how Toronto has aged us, but there is some truth to that. While there is much excitement to be heading back to Winnipeg, there is also trepidation. We don't really know what we are walking into. How will the ways in which we have changed mesh with what we've left behind? Where will we fit? What is there for us now?
Around midwifery... I'm so excited to be heading into a community where growth is still exciting and new midwives are celebrated and supported. I'm thrilled to be getting involved in the midst of such positive changes. But most of all, I look forward to feeling excited about and involved in pregnancy and birth. I am so overworked, overwhelmed and exhausted that births blur into births and I've lost a sense of the miracle. There is a lot of "med-wifery" in my current world and I look forward to forging and discovering my own way of practice. I am curious to meet the midwife in me.
Until then, I look forward to sleeping and packing for the entirety of April. I may not have a long break ahead of me, but I plan to make the most of it!
Rob and I have made jokes about how Toronto has aged us, but there is some truth to that. While there is much excitement to be heading back to Winnipeg, there is also trepidation. We don't really know what we are walking into. How will the ways in which we have changed mesh with what we've left behind? Where will we fit? What is there for us now?
Around midwifery... I'm so excited to be heading into a community where growth is still exciting and new midwives are celebrated and supported. I'm thrilled to be getting involved in the midst of such positive changes. But most of all, I look forward to feeling excited about and involved in pregnancy and birth. I am so overworked, overwhelmed and exhausted that births blur into births and I've lost a sense of the miracle. There is a lot of "med-wifery" in my current world and I look forward to forging and discovering my own way of practice. I am curious to meet the midwife in me.
Until then, I look forward to sleeping and packing for the entirety of April. I may not have a long break ahead of me, but I plan to make the most of it!
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Looking for the magic...
This year, along with the ugliness of the pre-spring melt comes the final countdown of the MEP.
I'm not yet in the clear. I am short on numbers, and have three clients due this week alone. Tomorrow, my preceptor comes back from a month of holidays so there will be adjustments to make. We must never get comfortable, you know.
In the meantime, I have accepted a position in Winnipeg to start mid-May. I am relieved to have a plan in place and terrified to imagine going on call on my own for the first time in a completely new place. In some ways I envy the new registrants who are hired on at the practices from their final year of the MEP. Sometimes the devil you know is better than the one you don't. But I am grateful to be heading back to my familiar city with its familiar foibles.
We wait wait wait wait on word about an apartment. Our application went in over a week ago. I am excited for the open, airy space overlooking the river and city. I know we could transform it into our happy home for at least a couple of years. Here's hoping they let us!
I'm not yet in the clear. I am short on numbers, and have three clients due this week alone. Tomorrow, my preceptor comes back from a month of holidays so there will be adjustments to make. We must never get comfortable, you know.
In the meantime, I have accepted a position in Winnipeg to start mid-May. I am relieved to have a plan in place and terrified to imagine going on call on my own for the first time in a completely new place. In some ways I envy the new registrants who are hired on at the practices from their final year of the MEP. Sometimes the devil you know is better than the one you don't. But I am grateful to be heading back to my familiar city with its familiar foibles.
We wait wait wait wait on word about an apartment. Our application went in over a week ago. I am excited for the open, airy space overlooking the river and city. I know we could transform it into our happy home for at least a couple of years. Here's hoping they let us!
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